Who was I?
I didn’t get reunited with my bio-dad until ten years later. He lived in the South. I didn’t find any sense of belonging there. And I wasn’t like most of the kids I was raised up with, so I didn’t feel I belonged there either. Where did I belong?
Here begins my quest to fill that longing. I decided to turn to everything I thought would satisfy that need: alcohol, sex, stealing. I believe you get the idea. When all this was not working, I thought having a baby of my own to love and cherish would be the right thing to do, so I sought out to get pregnant, which lead to my relationship with my husband. I don’t think I have to tell you it didn’t take long for this plan to fall apart. At the time, I begin to feel like all my choices in life were exhausted. Brokenness was my life, so I needed to deal with it. I was hopeless.
The turning point: Well, one day things began to change. I was not looking for a Savior, but one came looking for me. I was driving home from “Reno” after a long night of partying with a girlfriend, even though I shouldn’t have been on the road. I lived two hours away. I don’t have the words to describe what happened next. I was driving through a traffic light when things went blurry. I thought the light was green, but the next thing I knew lights and horns were blaring all around me. In that quick moment, I saw my life flashing before my eyes. I thought my life was over at that point. All I could do was close my eyes. The next thing I knew I was through the light shocked and amazed sitting on the side of the road. My life had been spared! Little did I know I was on a journey to a new life. That night was the first time I began to question life in this kind of way. What was I doing with my life? There had to be more.
I still didn’t know what any of this meant. All I know is I started to have this feeling that something was missing in my life. God began to pursue me in different ways: I came home one day and found a bible on my doorstep; I started to notice that something was different in this mom who would often roam around our neighborhood with her children. She was actually happy and full of peace! Everything I desired. SHE WAS A CHRISTIAN! (Remember, someone is always watching).
Then one day…these words came out of my mouth, “I am going down to the church chapel service (my husband was active duty in the Marine Corps). My husband about fell over in his chair. He said,” You the person with the foul mouth, the person who looked forward to every weekend just so you could go out and get drunk, the person who was always so angry that you would put holes in walls.” All I could do was sit in the chair and cry. He finally ended with, “Fine, don’t be coming home trying to get me to believe any of that crazy stuff” (Little did he know what the future had in store for him…smile).
Sunday came, and it was time to head down to the chapel. When I got in the parking lot, the first thought that ran through my mind was. “What in the world are you doing?” As I was walking up to the door, I noticed there was no one walking in. I was late! I went to turn around and go back to my car when a hand reached out and touched my shoulders. It was the Chaplin himself. He asked, “Where are you going?” I said, “I don’t belong here, so I was leaving.” He slowly turned me around and walked me through the doors.
And here is the short ending, I have never turned back. I found everything I was looking for in Jesus Christ. I found my identity. I found the peace that I didn’t even know existed. My life was forever changed from that very moment. I had been blind up until the point I asked Jesus to come into my life, and now I see.
There was a lot of growth that needed to take place. And guess what? Many years later, that growth is still a work in progress. However, with confidence, I can say, “It is no longer I who lives, but Christ that lives in me. The life I now live, I live by faith in the Son of God who died and gave Himself for me.”
Gal. 2:20
A Transformed Life
Denise Crosby 